I’m going to be honest with you, I never really knew what being a mum would entail. I mean I saw women doing it, in the park, in restaurants and in the supermarkets, but what would it really be like, as a 24/7 job. Continuously being a Mother, what would that be like?
Turns out, bloody hard.
Do not get me wrong, I would not rewind time for anything. It’s the best decision I ever made and I would do it a thousand times over. But no one tells you how bloody awful it can be. Especially at the beginning when you’re surrounded by visitors and messages and then suddenly a week passes and no one has muttered a word to you, and you’re just in a fuzzy haze trying to not only keep this baby alive but yourself. You’ve not slept or showered in 8 days, you can smell baby sick wherever you go and you never knew your armpit hair could grow so fast.
I remember walking Theodore around in the pram and breaking down into tears at any given point. Why was I finding it so hard to adjust? What was wrong with me? Every other new mum seemed to be so confident and happy. But now I know that they were probably drowning on this inside just as much as I was.
I was suddenly never alone, I was constantly with this tiny defenceless baby 24/7, yet I felt so lonely. Talking to someone who could never answer me back, talking to someone for the most part couldn’t hear me because they were asleep. It was all so fulfilling but also made me feel so empty.
I just want expectant mums to know that this is all so normal, and partly expected. It makes you feel like the crapest mother alive but as long as your baby is fed, warm and dry you are doing everything that little one expects from you. Remember to give yourself some damn credit once in a while. Still to this day I think I could or should be doing better for Theodore, but truth is I’m doing an amazing job. He’s so happy, he’s learning everyday, he has absolutely every ounce of love from me and for all of that, I’m super proud of myself.
So be proud of yourself. You’re doing a great job, and if you’ve not had your baby yet, you will do a great job. Just tell yourself that on repeat and you’ll soon be walking out the baby-blues one confident Mama.
You’ve got this.