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Monday, 17 July 2017


Somehow I've made it into almost the fifth week of the second trimester. I don't even know how I ended up here, I must have just been oblivious to the fact that I have been walking around growing a human now for almost 18 weeks, which is like 126 days! Over these past weeks I've already begun to notice lists upon lists of things changing both about my body and my emotional state, mostly these lists contain a tonne of unpleasantry, but ya know, this is the real life shit of carrying around a tiny baby in place of where I would usually just store bread and pasta.

The past couple of weeks both me and Brad have been bombarded with questions after questions all about how we're going to go about baby 'stuff', but the most asked question is whether we're going to find out the sex. Which we are going to do (if baby plays ball)! Our anomaly scan is at the start of August, where hopefully we will be told the sex of our baby. I know some people say it's better to be left as a surprise until the birth, but I'm personally struggling on connecting with 'baby' so far and always feel bad for referring to the baby as 'it' instead of she or him. 

Since our families seem to bicker over who knows what first we've decided to do a gender reveal at our home with both sets of families and friends, therefore everyone knows whether they are gaining a Granddaughter, Grandson, Niece or Nephew etc together and no arguments will be caused... (hopefully). We are throwing the party about 2 weeks after myself and Brad actually find out the sex, so it will be interesting to see who can keep a secret and who can't... (*cough* Brad)

I've been keeping track of all the changes I've been experiencing throughout this pregnancy and this second trimester, I'm going to be as truthful as possible because it's all just part of the pregnancy process

B L O O D  B O G I E S

Not glamorous in the slightest, but coming from someone who hasn't really had to deal with many nose blockages (probably due to my unusually wide nostrils) in the past this is a tad strange. I had also never experienced a nose bleed either before this pregnancy, but there's always time for new experiences I guess...

W A K I N G  U P  S T A R V I N G

I've never been one for breakfast, or anything to eat before probably 12 pm, but now I'm 'eating for two' it seems to be that baby is eating every little thing inside of me whilst I slept, leaving me running on absolute empty when I awake. So much that I'm in agony and crippling with hunger pains as soon as I open my eyes.

 T H E  C R A V I N G S

My cravings seem to change and differ every week, they've consisted of; Raw carrot sticks; Mcdonalds sweet chilli chicken wraps; Skips; Fab ice-lollies; Salt and vinegar chip sticks; Tomato Soup; Fun Gums.
I've been buying tomato soup by the bucket and carrying around packets of skips and tubs of carrot sticks for weeks. Just ask me, I am literally a walking tuck shop!


Slightly tmi BUT no one ever prepared me for the amount of gas I would be having... Coming out of both ends! The amount of crazy gas related pressure moving around in my body is like nothing I've ever felt before, and honestly makes you remember that you are actually just a body full of organs which all have different tasks, and some of those organs like to make a lot of unwanted gas...

W I L D  E M O T I O N S

I've always been a delicate little teary flower, but the number of things I'm bursting into tears about now are getting ridiculous. Including a full blown tantrum because Brad ate my last crisp. I felt like the world was going to end when I realised my philadelpha cheese had gone off, and when Chris from Love Island cries I am ALWAYS crying with him... Countless times Brad has had to comfort me over these little emotional wobbles whilst he gets mascara tears all over his shoulders, but I'm so thankful for how understanding he is being throughout all this.

T H E  T I R E D N E S S 

I mean, I know I'm carrying around another living being inside of me, but I didn't realise how draining this would be, even this early on in pregnancy. I can understand the tiredness in the last few weeks whilst you're carrying around a giant-ass pumpkin where-ever you go, but I'm carrying around a sweet potato, not a pumpkin! By 6pm most day's I'm ready for bed, but not before a whole 2 hour ritual of stuffing my face.

T H E  I N B E T W E E N  C L O T H E S  S T A G E 

O-K. Normal 'non' pregnancy clothes no longer fit, I'm having to do up my jeans with an elastic band as the button will no longer reach the hole. But maternity jeans are currently just TOO big, I am living in a wild dilemma of walking around with my fly un-done or with jeans which are going to fall to my ankles. Currently, I'm avoiding both these embarrassments with trusty old leggings, although, in this heat, I'm getting VERY sweaty legs (EW).

Despite all of this I think pregnancy is going as normal as it could be right now. I am having to go in for more tests this week due to the Midwives discovery of diabetes (yay) so things aren't looking great in that area but I'm just about feeling fine within myself. Anxiety has made its appearance again, but I'm thinking that's natural whilst I'm going through all these life altering changes. I will be keeping you updated on everything pregnancy related throughout these last 5ish months.


Tuesday, 4 July 2017


5 years ago today Bradley asked me to be his girlfriend, to which I answered 'ok' and ran away to catch my bus. I was just 16 and we had just finished up our fourth 'date' which was at Burger King (romantic). 

We met at the bottom of my hill and walked into town, the closer and closer we got to reaching the city, the duller the skies became. That's when the rain came, the hardest most torrential rain July had probably ever seen. We ran and ran, getting absolutely drenched in the process, until we reached Argos (of all places) to get shelter. We were laughing together while water was dripping from our noses, trying to shake ourselves dry like wet dogs. Later that day I remember wondering if he would ask me to be his girlfriend, I remember wishing he would kiss me, and I remember worrying about my feelings as I had never felt this way before.

Months passed and we would catch two buses across town to see each other. 20th November 2012, I caught the two buses for the first time alone and met him at the end of his road, nervous, to go to his house for the first time and meet his mother. Little did I know how close she and I would become over time, and how similar in some ways we were. Meeting his little siblings, Liam and Leanne who were still in primary school, and now Leanne has her secondary school prom this evening, and Liam is choosing his GCSE's, it's strange to see how they've grown and how much they've changed.

It wasn't long until we were spending every day and night together, hopping between my mum's house and his parents, staying out late in Brad's little red Peugeot 206 with our friends doing stupid things in car parks and causing all sorts of trouble, but everything always seemed so much more enjoyable by his side, I always felt warm and secure, the whole world just seemed like a better place when we were hand in hand.

Years passed and every day was just as enjoyable as the day before, every day was faultless and felt unbreakable. Then in 2015 Brad's parents decided that they wanted to move to a larger property, and asked if I'd like to live with them, properly, officially. I felt so welcomed and obviously, I agreed. September 2015 we all moved into our new house, we were given this enormous annexe, where Brad built us our very own living space and kitchen, our first ever little 'space' that was ours to share together, and we've spent every night here since, and it's now filled with so many memories.

Roughly 18 months later, I was sat on our bed, Brad walked in and mentioned that maybe we should 'stop trying to not get pregnant', I was shocked, I thought I would never hear those words leave his mouth. I had already known I was 'ready' for this next stage in our lives but never imagined him bringing up the topic so soon. My heart suddenly felt fuller than it had ever felt before, almost complete, but not quite there yet. The emotions I felt that day were wonderful, I was on a happy 'high' for weeks, I felt on top of the world, completely unreachable and unhurtable. I loved Brad more than I ever thought I could, more than I ever thought was possible, knowing we would be starting something so wonderful together was a magical feeling.

The 18th of May came around, that's when we first 'saw' our tiny little baby on the screen in the hospital, the most surreal moment of our lives. Watching their little heart beat thump out of their tiny almost non-existent chest. Almost unbelievable that there was a miniature 0.63 inched human-being starting to grow inside me. I remember glancing at Brad who was watching the screen, mesmerised by what he was seeing, our microscopic tiny baby, part him and part me. I reached a whole new level of attachment towards him, my love continuously growing for both him and our unborn child, life felt almost perfect, I could just start to taste the perfection to come.

A couple of weeks later, Friday the 19th of May, I had just got home late in the evening after the gym. I opened the door and begun walking up the stairs to our annexe, wondering why all the lights were off, thinking "oh he must be asleep". I reach the top of the stairs, tealights are lit, and he walks up to me and I instantly 'know' what this is. He holds both my hands and tells me how much he's always loved me, how he had known I was the one from the very beginning, and how we're going to have this beautiful child together, followed by getting down on one knee, opening a tiny box containing a sparkling ring and asking me to be his wife.

Flooded in tears, I, of course, said yes. Now, I am more in love than I ever thought was physically possible. Now this December, our life will be complete and perfect, when our little one joins us and fills us with more love than we will ever be able to comprehend. All with the most perfect man that I couldn't have even dreamt of, feeling so lucky that I have found my 'place' in this world, and that place is with him. 


Saturday, 1 July 2017


My final piece for our Final Major Show
These passing months have just been merging together like one big blur, I feel like I hardly know what day it is anymore, especially after finishing college. I no longer have the structure in my life. Last night was our Final Major Show, where myself and my classmates showcased our final pieces which we had been working on since January. It was lovely to see the support everyone's family and friends gave. After the evening had finished for some reason I felt deflated, perhaps because that's the last time I'll be seeing my classmates together like that, as I'm not doing the top-up year whereas I believe all of them are.
I have finally started to enjoy reading again, I purchased the book 'The Versions of Us' on a whim at Waterstones whilst I was reading the handwritten reviews they have there. I am actually really enjoying it and am loving the way it is written.
I've got a few blog posts planned for the duration on July, hopefully, I'll be able to get them written and keep inspired especially as now I have a lot more free time on my hands, but I usually fall into a pit of laziness in the summer months so we will see how many I actually get written.

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